


(slowly starts sinking in) you love me

by phloridas



Series: first christmases through the years [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 02:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phloridas/pseuds/phloridas
Summary: "And Phil got me this, which is probably the single best present anyone's given me in my entire life."Or, the story behind Dan's Tonberry plushie (and his first Christmas with Phil).





	(slowly starts sinking in) you love me

Christmas. Christmas with  _ Dan. _  Making snow angels, baking cookies, filming that secret project, watching Dan slide into his family like the puzzle piece they never knew was missing...

It’s enough to send Phil soaring from Manchester City Centre straight to another galaxy.

“God, it’s good to be home,” Dan sighs, breath puffing out over his Starbucks cup as a single gloved pinky taps Phil’s own. “You don’t want to know how much I’ve been counting down to this day.”

Phil knows, of course. How could he forget the Skype calls, every midnight tearing another page from the calendar in his mind and taping a tiny bit of his heart back together? Especially last night’s, when the buzzing in Phil’s veins was enough to power every Christmas tree in the city.

Another gulp of caramel and sugar crashes over his tongue, warming Phil’s every particle almost as much as Dan’s doing in that goofy fuzzy hat. Christmas carols float up and around his ears, much softer than the snow slashing against their faces, fluttering around his head and settling somewhere in the happy part of his brain. Perhaps it’s the caffeine, perhaps the pure joy of the holly and nutcrackers and mulled wine dotting the shopfronts, but something pushes Phil to latch onto Dan’s hand with his own. Even under his mittens, licks of fire dance along Phil’s fingers and melt every flake that hits him.

Of course Dan won’t let Phil tug off his hat, slapping his hand away the second it strays towards his face, his fingers lingering for a long moment.

“But I love your windy hair! Pleeeaseeee?”

“ _ No _ , Phil.” He doesn’t care how often he and Dan see each other. He’ll never tire of that giggle, the one that feels like a million tiny angels tickling his ears.

He almost doesn’t notice his favourite nerdy shop until they’re passing The Body Shop two doors down. Damn Dan for being so pretty in the fading light.

“Oh, Dan! You wanna see the thing I was telling you about last night, the one I really shouldn’t buy for myself because it’s so damn expensive but we know I will anyway?”

“I mean, I thought moisturizer was pretty cheap here but sure, Phil, lead the way.”

Phil smacks him. “We passed it, smartass. Your fault for being so gorgeous.”

The blush dotting Dan’s cheeks and the right corner of his jaw strikes a match deep inside Phil, enough to burn all the way through their three days together.

Jingle bells chime as Phil eases the door open but the middle-aged cashier barely lifts his head from the counter. Good. Phil’s not up for questions today.

“So it’s all the way in the back here, with a couple other  _ Final Fantasy _ things. I couldn’t stop thinking of how you said it took you so long to beat it but when you did, it was the best feeling in the world.” Phil has no idea why he’s keeping his voice so soft. It’s not like he can scare off the stacks of games or military-esque rows of action figures.

If Phil could wrap up the smile Dan gave to the ground and present it to himself, he absolutely would. An odd idea, maybe, but when did anything with Dan ever make sense?

“It’s here. Right...right here, behind all the Chocobos.” Phil parts the sea of yellow plushies with a touch he normally saves for Dan’s face. Plunging his hand to the back of the rough wooden shelf, Phil pulls out a sandy-cloaked reptile, its hood fluttering down as he drags it from its prison. 

It takes a second to register its lack of mates. No, no, he’s supposed to buy one for Dan so they can match! (Even if it does clear out his wallet.) A snake pinches at his gut when he turns back around.

The utter enchantment on Dan’s face, though, puts all Phil’s trepidation to rest. His mouth snaps open and shut, lips quivering in a smile wider than the view from the Manchester Eye. And are those...tiny tears prickling his eyes?

“Holy... _ Phil _ .” When Dan’s voice returns, it’s in the same hushed tone Phil had just used to introduce the plushie. “I...he’s...he’s perfect. I’ve never seen anything like this little guy here. Can I...can I hold him, maybe, for just a second?”

“Take as long as you’d like. He is pretty adorable, isn’t he?” As Phil watches Dan turn the Tonberry over and over, tracing his fingers over the soft fur and pushing the hood up and down, something clunks into place near the front of his mind. How the hell wasn’t it this obvious before?

Dan presses the plushie to his cheek then, the motion squeezing Phil’s heart so much that he just has to sneak closer, lifting a hand to the soft body and squeezing it just as he would Dan’s cheek or arm or chest if they were alone. As it is, he settles for a long gaze, allowing his face to relax into the cheek-piercing smile that always seemed to show up in Dan’s presence.

They stay there for a while, maybe a few minutes, maybe an hour. Phil’s not sure. What he does know, however, is that he never wants to see Dan’s face in any other expression.

Maybe that’s what brings him to say what he does after Dan glances at the tag and lowers the plushie, turning it over and over in his hands as his eyes flicker down to the floor. Any remaining glimmer has been snuffed out now.

“40 quid for a tiny plushie? I mean, he’s perfect but...I could never afford this, Phil. I guess that just gives me another reason to come over here, huh?” Phil can’t stand the way Dan’s gazing at the Tonberry, like he’s watching his child get ripped away from him.

Phil rests a hand on the soft hooded creature, pushing it closer to Dan’s chest. “Merry Christmas, Dan.” The situation calls for a whisper, he decides as he catches Dan’s eyes with a look that could both slice a forest of evergreen trees and melt the icicles lining the storefronts.

“Phil. You can’t be serious. You said you shouldn’t even be buying it for yourself.”

“But you’re different, Dan. You spend at least as much on your train tickets here. Let me repay you just this once. Please?” Phil clasps his hands under his chin, widening his eyes in the way he knows Dan can never refuse.

“My gift is never gonna compare,” Dan laments. “You know this means I’m just gonna have to give you loads of stuff for your birthday, right?”

It’s all Phil can do keep from draping himself all over Dan as Dan buries his face in the tan and green fabric.

When he racks his memory of this day years later, though, the thing that shines brighter than the rest isn’t Dan’s shining face at the tills, or the countless times he pulls the plushie from its bag to admire yet another angle, although those come close.

It’s Dan’s interactions with his parents, the way he really does slide into the Lester family dinner like the crisply wrapped packages beneath the tree just like Phil knew he would, and his mum’s glowing praise the afternoon he returned sans-Dan. Maybe they couldn’t spend the actual holiday together, but that week, nothing can shake the feeling that Dan well and truly is a Lester. He belongs here, just as much as Martyn or Phil or anyone.

Really, what more could he ask from their first Christmas together?

**Author's Note:**

> Check back tomorrow for part 2! And if you'd like, come say hi over on Twitter/Tumblr @phloridas!
> 
> Title comes from Winter Dreams by Kelly Clarkson, a song I've started associating with 2009 phan every time it comes on at my work (which is like, at least once a day), especially this line. I hope you're having a fantastic holiday season, or at least are just enjoying gamingmas this year! Happy holidays! <3


End file.
